The Time Before the Apple

For a while now I've been thinking about how we're living in "the time before the apple." Joel has no idea that he's considered different than any other kid. I don't think he's even aware of the word autism. Eli mostly just wants to do all the things his big brother does. He doesn't realize Joel is loosely classified as someone with pervasive developmental disorder (what a horrible title and misnomer all in one).

I wonder how long this innocence will last? I wish neither Joel, Eli nor Cara ever had to hear the phrase autistic spectrum disorder. Why can't Joel just be Joel and people accept him for him without explanation. Ever since I realized Joel's brain was wired a bit differently than most I've mentally rebelled against the notion that he has to change to fit in better. Why can't he just be himself and other people just deal with it?

I know we don't live in a perfect world and there will continue to be many uphill battles for my Joel and his difficulties with social interaction, language and appropriate behavior will probably continue throughout his life.

I don't look forward to that day of self realization for Joel or Eli. It's something we all have to go through. Coming to terms with being different and our individual weaknesses and shortcomings. Still for those among us who deviation from the mean is far greater than the standard its a significantly harder row to hoe.

I Felt Lovely

Yesterday Kelly and I took the kids to the temple to walk around the grounds. Joel spider walked up the columns in front and all the kids climbed up the grated temple front doors. Any place is a jungle gym!

After leaving our mark on the grounds we headed to the visitor's center. One of the sister missionaries turned on the sound by the Christus statue. "Jesus talking!" Cara very excitedly pointed out to the rest of us. The sister missionary asked Joel if he'd written down how he felt after he was baptized. "No," Joel said, "But as a matter of fact I felt lovely."

Is that kid the best or what?

On the way to the temple Eli asked me if I had any more babies in my tummy. He let me know that he wanted another Cara. I decided not to attempt explaining that Kelly has had a vasectomy. I feel kind of bad that we're not having another baby for Eli's sake because at his age he would really get into feeling a growing baby in mommy's expanding tummy and be very excited at the birth of a new little one. He was a little too young when I was pregnant with Cara to appreciate the whole experience.

That having been said, there are a myriad of reasons we're not having another baby with the vasectomy being the least of them.

Cara's busy right now playing with her "Blue's" i.e. two Blue figurines and one Magenta. I LOVE to watch her play.

"Going to school Blue?"
"I wanna go too."
"Let's go to dancing class!"
"I have dancing class on Friday"

All said in that two year old girl voice so full of sweetness, wonder, pink rainbows and innocence. So yummy. It's beyond adorably adorable and I appreciate it all the more because I know what it's like to have a child that was unable to pretend play. And that ability is connected to so many abilities that we need later in life.

My beloved Joel

A couple of weeks ago Joel learned how to whistle. He spent the next couple of days whistling through his entire days at school, so enamored with his new skill. While grocery shopping with the kids Kelly taught Joel the "wheet-whew" whistle and told him, "That's what you do when you see a cute girl."

Fast forward to that night and Joel and I are sitting on the couch. "Wheet-whew" whistles from Joel's puckered little mouth. "That's what you are mom." I LOVE that kid.

Last Sunday the primary children sang for Mother's Day during Sacrament Meeting. After they sang "Mother Dear I Love You So" Joel, in the front row, stretches his arms out wide and announces, "That was for all you mothers out there!" He made a couple more announcements too during the presentation. Several people commented to me how cute he was. I couldn't agree more.

My Hero is . . .

Joel wrote the following at school about a month ago . . .

"My Hero is really nice. The're my parents. Not stupid at all. Not half an inch. Always help me."

Took Cara to the doctor today because she's had a high fever since the wee am hours Sunday. Poor thing has strep throat. Neither Kelly nor I have ever knowingly had strep throat. It's supposed to be super contagious. Got her some antibiotics after the doctor and she's doing a lot better tonight. Yea! It's always scary when your baby has a high fever cause you don't know when it will break or how serious the condition is that's causing it. Such a huge sigh of relief when they start to do better. She's been such a good girl about taking her medicine and complying with the doctor's/nurses requests. I'm proud of her.

Trying to decide whether or not to send Eli to kindergarten next year. The child wears me out. For that reason alone I'd like to send him. Yet he also loves structure and organized activities, I know he would enjoy it. However he would be one of the youngest if not the very youngest in the class. I don't want him to be behind socially, academically, physically. I know kids in the ward that have fall 2004 birthdays that will be entering kindergarten in September who seem leaps and bounds beyond my Eli. Of course they are almost a year older. Eli is very sensitive (to say the least) and I'm afraid it will affect him emotionally if he feels less than in any way. Of course we all have times when we feel inferior but I don't want to add insult to injury in his case.

LOVE my precious kids.

Kids say the Funniest Things

A couple of days ago I was in the bathroom and Cara knocks on the door and peeks her head in, "Doin' your bizness mama?"

Eli and Kelly were in Target yesterday. Eli points to a tampon box and says, "Daddy I think we need to get some of these because we're running low."


Joel has taken to "spider" climbing up the hallway walls and then walking forward in said stance. He's very proud of himself.

Beautiful spring day today. All the cherry blossoms on are block are in bloom as well as the other flowering trees around. When the wind blows the perfumed air fills your nostrils. Ummmmm!

Kelly took the afternoon off after much begging from his wife and we took the kids to Burke Lake Park. Train, carousel, et al. aren't open yet. But it was nice to be able to enjoy the beautiful afternoon together as a family. It's spring break. I was hoping Kelly could take it off this year, but he was too busy with the migration.

Trying to save money because I really want to buy a real house. Really really.

Deep Thoughts from Eli . . .

"Mommy, dinosaurs don't have penises, they just do dribbly poo poos."

Joel's Facebook Poem

Joel emailed me the following excerpt a couple of weeks ago. One of his current missions in life is to obtain my facebook password.

a poem:
it was a beautiful day for your facebook
but you did'nt learn your lesson
give me the password
i am so mad
give it to me now
love,joel


He cracks me up and I LOVE him to PIECES.