There is no God?

Sitting in Sacrament meeting a couple of weeks ago, Joel turns to me and says, "What he's saying (referring to the speaker) is false." The about-to-enter the MTC speaker had just said, "The Book of Mormon is the word of God." "That's false," said Joel LOUDLY, "Because there is no God."

What the what?

First of all, that Joel was connecting to anything the speaker, up on the podium and behind a microphone, -- way out of Joel world -- was saying was kind of great. But that he was stating very loudly in the middle of church that "There is no God" was kinda not so great.

Truth be told I've never expected Joel to grow up to be a practicing Mormon. Like most people on the autistic spectrum he believes in the tangible and concrete. Seeing is believing. If a speaker up on a podium and behind a microphone, albeit in the same room, is way out of Joel world, a nebulous God in some far reaching heaven might as well be in a galaxy far, far FAR away. For him it's not even plausible.

However I didn't expect a resolution about the non-existence of a supreme being to come so early in his life.

We ended up having a family home evening where I shared personal experiences about when God has been there for me. Joel didn't like it, but I know he was listening. Despite the fact that he had his head embedded in a couch cushion and his fingers crammed in his ears. I want Joel to believe in God because I want him to feel that there is always somebody who has his back even when Mommy and Daddy aren't there.

This past Sunday no declarations were made about God's existence or lack thereof. However our pew was not without shenanigans. Joel was playing with Kelly's blackberry which he often does during Sacrament meeting. Normally that's a okay since he's usually doing something innocuous and it keeps him quiet. But last Sunday I happened to glance down at the blackberry and what was Joel doing? Reading the scriptures? Nope. Looking at all the family pics Daddy's taken? Nah. He was . . . drum roll please . . . playing TEXAS HOLD 'EM POKER. Face cards in Sacrament meeting? I'm sure that's a no no and then some.

More "Mother of the Year" points for me . . . sigh . . .

Dear Amy

Dear Amy,
I demand no apointment.
I demand no summer school and no day camp.
I want to ask you:
Have you ever wondered when something is fun be comes a lot less fun
when you do it?
It happened to me.
I desreve to stay home than(then) go to the beach this summer.
Your bored friend,
JOEL ETHINGTON


Joel sent me the above email a week or so ago. He had heard what I had planned for him for the summer and he was not into it. He told me, "It feels too much like school." He even got really freaked out about going to Soaring Over Seven camp (which he loves) in July. While last February he kept asking me, "Mom, have you signed me up for Soaring Over Seven yet?"

The fact is I have to try to keep Joel pretty busy during the summer. If I don't he just melds into the computer 24/7. And once computer meld has set in getting Joel to do anything else becomes next to impossible. There is much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, and if he starts school in said state, wo unto the teacher who has to work with him.

However luckily everything has gone pretty well so far. We started speech therapy again recently because we have some FSA money that we need to use ASAP. On the first appointment the SLP tested Joel's vocabulary. He didn't slip up until the 17/18 year old section. What the what? The speech therapist was surprised and so was I. I had no idea the depth of his vocabulary. It's very difficult to have any kind of conversation with Joel, so I don't really know what all's up in his head. The SLP asked me where his vocab came from. ??????????????????? Don't ask me, I have no clue. When I told Joel he had tested into the 17 to 18 year old range, he got that twinkle in his eye that means, "Damn, I'm good." He damn sure is.

Eli was looking out the window watching the lightening bugs the other night when he turns to me and says, "Mommy the world's turned into glitter." He can be so sweet at times . . . (sigh) . . .

Cara's our little princess and she knows it. She went to a birthday party last Saturday and insisted on bringing all the stuff from her goody bag to church on Sunday. She entered the chapel in full regalia: two crowns, two necklaces as well as multiple bracelets and rings. She wanted to show off all da bling she got.

Back to the Drawing Board my Sweet Boy

Cara was building a lego/bath toy tower when it suddenly toppled down. "Oh well, back to the drawing board," she sighed. I love listening to my kids developing language. When Cara talks I can hear phrases she got from Eli, Kelly, me and Joel. "A litle help here," is her favorite way to ask for assistance. She got that from Joel, but where he picked it up I don't know.

"Mommy, how can I save the world if I don't have a cape?" Also from Cara. If only it were that simple.

We went to Joel's hip hop recital today. He did really well especially considering he's totally uncoordinated and he's never had a dance class before, but he held his own. He was really nervous about it.

Last week when I told him it was time to go to class he started crying. Not unusual as transitions are difficult for Joel and if his mind is in the middle of something he has a really hard time accepting the change in routine. Usually he calms down in less than a minute or two and psyches himself up for the next activity by bucking up and resolutely saying, "I'll do it!"

But last week he kept crying and crying. I kept encouraging him to tell me what was wrong, but he couldn't. So I asked questions, "Are the kids mean?" "Is the teacher mean?". He shook his head no, but was still too upset to be able to verbalize and vocalize his feelings. Finally I asked if he could write his feelings down for me. I thought he would say no because he hates writing, but instead he proceeded to write me a note. That he readily accepted the writing "assignment" told me that he was feeling something deeply that he really wanted me to understand.

"Even though you try to make a healthy body for me and the kids understand, I still wanna take a break from hip hop. I'm not enjoying it. It's TOO much for me."

I felt really bad after reading it. I know I need to push Joel (or he'd never get off the couch), but was I pushing him too hard? I felt especially bad that he'd said he wasn't enjoying it. I told him we could definitely skip hop hop that day, and he let out a big sigh of relief and said through tears, "Thanks for understanding me mom." Ooooh, little pang to the heart, what a precious boy. I did ask him after he'd calmed down if he thought he could go next week (today) for the final performance, and he gulped and said yes.

So we went today. Joel was teary again, but he'd resolved to do it, so he was gonna. After all was said and done and I could tell Joel was proud of himself, I realized he wasn't enjoying the class because he was so stressed that he wasn't doing the dance perfectly. I know Joel has anxiety, but I don't always realize how much stress he feels in certain circumstances. I bolded and capitalized the word "too" from Joel's note because that's how he wrote it. While writing it he was gritting his teeth and bearing down on the pen as hard as he could.

While I do feel back that so felt so much stress. I'm glad he finished it out and came through feeling that it wasn't so bad afterall and that he'd licked it!

Twice as Hot

Joel's primary teacher gave him a box of those "message hearts" the Sunday before Valentine's Day. He opened the box and said the first one was for me, it's message read "TOO HOT". 10 or so minutes later I'm lying on my bed doing my "after 2 hours of Sunbeams" cool down when Eli bursts in with another candy heart and says, "Mom, Joel says this one's for you." It also read "TOO HOT." After I'd finally caught my "free-from-three-year-olds" breath I ventured out into the hallway where Joel accosts me shouting, "Mom! You're twice as hot cuz you got TOO HOT twice!"

Yeah!

Kelly told me that Eli made a basket in the big boy basket at b ball on Saturday.

ME: So you made a basket in the big basket?

ELI: Yeah, did you hear about it? (I love how he assumes that the news of his basket has gotten around :o)

Pushing off one handed from the shoulder like Daddy taught him, Eli was disappointed that he didn't hit the basket initially. Daddy told him to jump while doing the same thing and . . . voila, SWISH! "Now I know the secret Mommy, you hafta jump." Oh, if only I'd known that back in the day I might have been able to make more baskets myself.

But Grandpa Was

Yesterday Eli and I were looking through my wedding pictures. It was fun to show him pictures of my grandparents and other relatives and friends who attended. I got to a picture of my parents, Kelly and me and asked him who was in the picture. "Mommy, Daddy, Grandma and Grandpa." My mom still had dark hair and Eli said, "When you got married Grandma wasn't old yet." Then he paused, looked at my dad and said, "But Grandpa was."

Cracked me up.

Not too long ago I was ruffling through Joel's hair and said, "Boy we need to get you a haircut!"

"Yeah," Joel responded. "I don't want to turn into Rapunzel!"

Made me laugh. His comment was probably inspired by the movie Twisted, a current movie based on the long locked lady's famous story.

He still needs that haircut.

I See the Connection!

Yesterday we went out to my parents' house. They had come back from Albany for the weekend to transfer some furniture here. Andrew came with them. He flew out a few weeks ago from Phoenix to look for work. He couldn't find any kind of job in Phoenix and he was willing to do about anything. I guess the recession has really hit hard there.

We hadn't seen Andrew for three years and he's never met Cara. While we were outside playing on the playset Joel looked from Andrew to me and back again and said, "Yeah I can see the connection." I love it that he was thinking about Andrew and I being siblings and looking for similarities.

Eli was very excited to go and see the pumpkin patch that he had helped Grandpa plant. My parents had already brought us several pumpkins where they had scratched our names into while they were growing. We loaded up several more and now we have our own little pumpkin patch in the front yard.

One of my goals at the beginning of the school year was to revamp our filing system. I finally did it last week. While doing so I came across all of Joel's preschool evaluations and day to day notes from his preschool teachers and the people who worked with him from Early Intervention. It made me realize that I truly have had a village helping me to raise my Joel and I felt really grateful for all of the people who have helped, and loved and cared about Joel.

It was a trip down memory lane to read about his milestones and behaviors and how far we have come. One tender memory was when he was learning sign language. He learned how to sign the word hurt and would use it appropriately when he got an "owie". He would also use it when a toy or other beloved object got taken away from him. I thought it was really sweet that he immediately applied the word to not only physical pain but also when his feelings were ingured.

Reading about Joel helped to stimulate some memories about Eli's babyhood as well. When he was about 10 months old he would sign the word milk by pumping and squeezing his little fist when he wanted to nurse. But he would also make the same sign when he just wanted loves and cuddles from Mommy. Obviously he felt such comfort and security when he was nursing that he associated with work milk with Mommy snuggles. Sweet memories . . .

Things the Kids Say

Joel and I were watching Project Runway and Joel was doing his usual scene by scene commentary, i.e. "I love the pink and the brown together, looks fabulous. That is so sexy." (He has no idea what he is really saying). Anyway the designers were surprised and annoyed about who was chosen winner and one of them said, "How could he win? What bleeping show is this anyway?" Joel responds, "Project Runway you idiot!" That made me laugh. He's so literal and can't imagine that one of the designers is so ignorant of the show she's starring in.

My mom was in the car with Kelly and the kids a little while back and Cara was singing. "Cara you have really good pitch for such a little girl," my mom commented. Enraged, Cara screamed back, "I NOT A LITTLE GIRL, I BIG!" Geez some people just don't know how to accept a compliment.

Cara was eating something the other day and says, "Umm, mommy this is really nummy!" Wanting to gobble on her little cheeks I responded, "You know who else is really nummy?" Before I even finished the sentence she shrieked, "NO! I not dessert!"

While driving to the playground today the kids and I noticed several American flags, one of them was at half staff. I explained to the kids that the flag was only halfway up the pole in remembrance of the innocent people who were killed on Septermber 11th (today) and Eli responds, "Oh the flag is lower because there is less people in the world now?" Uh, yeah kid, kinda.

Joel and Eli just completed their first week of school. Eli's first week of Kindergarten and things seem to be going well. I was pleased with both of their teachers and hope the year continues with that sentiment.

It's A LOT quieter at home. Eli's gone. Nuff said.

I'm so Talented!

Cara turns to me tonight and says, "I'm so talented!" She definitely thinks she's the cat's choicest meow, and I love it. I think everyone needs that overdeveloped sense of ego to make up for the knocks you're gonna get from the world once school starts and forever after.

I tried to cut the boys' hair the other night which a new (whatdaya call those things that are electric and have the graduated tips you attach to achieve different hair lengths?). Anyway instead of applying my usual method I followed the instructions and really screwed up Joel's hair. I tried to clean it up with scissors and convinced myself that it looked okay. Joel looked at himself in the mirror and said, "I look goooooood!" Later I asked Kelly what he thought of Joel's haircut and he said something like, "It's interesting." I asked him if it really looked that bad. "Uh, yeah." After hearing our conversation Joel again looked at himself in the mirror and yelled, "I look like a freak!" Kelly ended up giving Joel a full buzz cut at my request.

I Felt Lovely

Yesterday Kelly and I took the kids to the temple to walk around the grounds. Joel spider walked up the columns in front and all the kids climbed up the grated temple front doors. Any place is a jungle gym!

After leaving our mark on the grounds we headed to the visitor's center. One of the sister missionaries turned on the sound by the Christus statue. "Jesus talking!" Cara very excitedly pointed out to the rest of us. The sister missionary asked Joel if he'd written down how he felt after he was baptized. "No," Joel said, "But as a matter of fact I felt lovely."

Is that kid the best or what?

On the way to the temple Eli asked me if I had any more babies in my tummy. He let me know that he wanted another Cara. I decided not to attempt explaining that Kelly has had a vasectomy. I feel kind of bad that we're not having another baby for Eli's sake because at his age he would really get into feeling a growing baby in mommy's expanding tummy and be very excited at the birth of a new little one. He was a little too young when I was pregnant with Cara to appreciate the whole experience.

That having been said, there are a myriad of reasons we're not having another baby with the vasectomy being the least of them.

Cara's busy right now playing with her "Blue's" i.e. two Blue figurines and one Magenta. I LOVE to watch her play.

"Going to school Blue?"
"I wanna go too."
"Let's go to dancing class!"
"I have dancing class on Friday"

All said in that two year old girl voice so full of sweetness, wonder, pink rainbows and innocence. So yummy. It's beyond adorably adorable and I appreciate it all the more because I know what it's like to have a child that was unable to pretend play. And that ability is connected to so many abilities that we need later in life.

Of late . . .

I made a real dinner tonight. I occasionally do this because my hard working husband deserves it. The kids usually hate it. But Joel looked at the chili simmering on the stove and said, "Um, that looks scrumptious!" Apparently scrumptious was one of the signature words on Word Girl today. Love that kid.

A couple of days ago they emphasized the word "appreciate" on another kids show, and for the past few days Joel keeps telling me how much he appreciates me. Like I said, LOVE that kid.

At dinner Joel decided to throw his grapes into his chili and we made a big deal of the odd additional ingredient. He thought it was hilarious and went into full belly laugh. The best sound in the world = your child's full belly laugh. Life is perfect for a moment.

Yesterday I had to go to traffic court. I tried to pay my ticket online the day before, but they don't let you. I took Eli with me to: 1. Help Kelly out 2. Get the sympathy vote from the judge. Little did I know that one morning's litigants for traffic court in Herndon is equivalent to the number of viewers at the Macy's Thanksgiving day Parade in New York City. Eli and I were kicked out of the courtroom too due to Eli's being a little toot. I think the lobby was worse. At least in the courtroom we could have enjoyed some good people watching and maybe filled my voyeur vacuum by listening in on other people's bizness.

Anyway it was almost THREE HOURS before the judge called my name and I was probably in front of him for less than 30 seconds. He dismissed my ticket fee, but said I'll still have to pay court costs. If I ever get another ticket, I'm paying that baby real quick like. I've experienced enough traffic court for one lifetime.

On the flip side it was good to have some one on one time with Eli. I had to get creative to stop the "I wanna go home" endless whines. I told him some stories from when Mommy was a little girl and he was such a captive audience. Whenever I tell him stories about my childhood I can always be sure within the next few days to hear an earnest story about when he was a little girl. I don't think he quite has the gender identity thing down yet.

We got a new stove. Black. For the first time in my adult life of owning my own residence I have all matching, relatively new appliances. I think I am almost regular people now. (Yeah right, that will happen). We sold our old one on craig's list for $175. The new one was about $600 with tax.

And then we have the Haiti earthquake and people who never had much to begin with now have nothing. I felt kind of lame having to have my matching kitchen appliances when the world is filled with people like the Haitians who live on next to nothing. I and most people need to have a broader world view than the Jones'. To assuage my guilt I did give $25 to the Clinton Foundation for Haiti. Ain't I a freakin' saint?