Joel's Broken Arm

I haven't written anything here forever, so here goes. . .

Joel broke his arm on Oct. 2nd. The boys were being loud in their room, so I eventually went upstairs to tell them to calm down. Joel was right outside of his bedroom door with tears running down his race. Instead of being straight from elbow to wrist, the lower half of his arm was split in the middle with the lower portion protruding away from the rest of the arm. Panic stricken when I saw it I immediately screamed, "KELLY!"

Of course this was a Sunday night, so we took Joel to the emergency room. It took them FOREVER and Joel had to have general anesthesia, but they finally got a cast on him.

While they were casting him they noticed that one of the bones had poked through the skin, so the doc told us he wanted Joel to stay in the hospital for 72 hours on an antibiotic drip.

We had arrived at the hospital at about 8 pm, but everything took so long that Joel and I didn't get to his room until 5 am.

When they x-rayed him the next day, the bones had "shortened" (overlapped each other), so the orthopedist that worked on Joel in the hospital wanted us to see a pediatric orthopedist. We did and to make a long story short Joel had to have two additional surgeries. One to reset the bones and put pins in and a final one to remove the pins. Of course the ped. orthopedist was in Annandale and one surgery was in Alexandria and another at Fairfax. All in all it was stressful, time consuming and expensive (because of our stupid insurance, but that's another story) not to mention painful for our sweet Joel. But we got through it and Joel had his final cast removed on December 9th. Needless to say I'm really crossing my fingers for no additional broken bones.

At his final surgery prep one of the nurses was working on Joel and he said, "You have really bad breath!" When an additional nurse came to help out Joel leaned in to take a whiff and declared, "Yep, halitosis." When they put a gas mask on to put him under, not liking the smell he reiterated, "Halitosis!"

By the way it really sucks to have your child put under anesthesia. There's always the fear that they won't come out of it, and that's bad enough. When Joel came to after his final surgery he was in pain, disoriented and scared. It took some time to calm him down and then he kept asking me when the pain would stop. I felt so awful that I didn't know and that I couldn't take the pain away from him.

Evil Times and Cornfused

Driving home from the corn maze today I happened to notice a home along the road that looked like a castle. I pointed it out to the kids and said, "Wouldn't you like to live in a castle?" "Yes!" squealed Cara. "No!" proclaimed Eli. "Yes you would Eli," continued Cara, "Then you would get to meet the king!" "Cara," said Eli in his all knowing voice, "Castles don't have kings any more, only in Evil times." "No," chimed Cara, "Castles have kings in Evil times and nice times."

The corn maze kicked us in the butt. We could not find our way outta the thing. Never-Say-Die-Kelly wanted to continue until we conquered it, but the kids were hot and whiny and eventually I convinced Kelly to wave our flag and surrender for assistance so we could be led out of the F.S.I. (Farm Scene Investigation). We were definitely mazed and cornfused.

We also went on a hay ride and the kids played on the many play structures and tried their hands at the games.

Very tired and thirsty by the time we left, we bought a gallon of the local apple juice and a bag of kettle corn and headed home.

Decided to go to the maze this year instead of Cox Farms because Joel broke his arm last Sunday (long story) and he wouldn't have been able to participate in the rope swing and other attractions at Cox Farms. Corn maze was also cheaper -- bonus!

There is no God?

Sitting in Sacrament meeting a couple of weeks ago, Joel turns to me and says, "What he's saying (referring to the speaker) is false." The about-to-enter the MTC speaker had just said, "The Book of Mormon is the word of God." "That's false," said Joel LOUDLY, "Because there is no God."

What the what?

First of all, that Joel was connecting to anything the speaker, up on the podium and behind a microphone, -- way out of Joel world -- was saying was kind of great. But that he was stating very loudly in the middle of church that "There is no God" was kinda not so great.

Truth be told I've never expected Joel to grow up to be a practicing Mormon. Like most people on the autistic spectrum he believes in the tangible and concrete. Seeing is believing. If a speaker up on a podium and behind a microphone, albeit in the same room, is way out of Joel world, a nebulous God in some far reaching heaven might as well be in a galaxy far, far FAR away. For him it's not even plausible.

However I didn't expect a resolution about the non-existence of a supreme being to come so early in his life.

We ended up having a family home evening where I shared personal experiences about when God has been there for me. Joel didn't like it, but I know he was listening. Despite the fact that he had his head embedded in a couch cushion and his fingers crammed in his ears. I want Joel to believe in God because I want him to feel that there is always somebody who has his back even when Mommy and Daddy aren't there.

This past Sunday no declarations were made about God's existence or lack thereof. However our pew was not without shenanigans. Joel was playing with Kelly's blackberry which he often does during Sacrament meeting. Normally that's a okay since he's usually doing something innocuous and it keeps him quiet. But last Sunday I happened to glance down at the blackberry and what was Joel doing? Reading the scriptures? Nope. Looking at all the family pics Daddy's taken? Nah. He was . . . drum roll please . . . playing TEXAS HOLD 'EM POKER. Face cards in Sacrament meeting? I'm sure that's a no no and then some.

More "Mother of the Year" points for me . . . sigh . . .

Staring, Hair and Manners.

The TH next door to us is finally occupied. It's been vacant for more than a year (which was fine by us). Some Arab guy bought it, fixed it up a bit and is renting it out; a recurring pattern in our neighborhood for the past few years. If I had the money to buy and rent out I'd probably do it to. When the metro gets here in a couple of years these people are probably going to make bank . . . well unless the US economy totally tanks because of our katrillion dollar debt.

Anyway I'm not quite sure who lives there. A couple of middle aged ladies and some pit bulls for sure and a younger woman in her late 20's/early 30's. Of the latter Eli said, "Our new neighbor lady is really pretty. I wish she would come out every day and stand on the sidewalk for a while, so we could look at her." I thought his comment was really funny, but he probably gets that staring trait from me. I love to stare forever and unabashedly at anything I find to be attractive, be it people, the landscape or a well designed room. So if you ever find me gazing endlessly in your direction, be complimented I probably just think you're gorgeous. On the other hand it could be that you have some funky stray hair growing out of somewhere too.

Speaking of hair. Joel lifted up Kelly's shirt the other day and said, "Uh, dad I really think you need to wax." Next he patted his dad's bald head and said, "Dad, you really need to work on your growing situation here." I probably should have married a less hairy guy to water down the mongo Hurst hair gene my kids all inherited from me. No doubt poor Joel, Eli and Cara will all end up hirsute, bewhiskered little dudes -- just like their woolly parents.

Eli just said to Kelly, "Daddy thank you for making this dinner. This is the best dinner ever!" (grilled cheese sandwiches and strawberry smoothies). See, he can be nice sometimes and my kids do have manners occasionally. We complimented Eli on his nice compliment. Of course Cara then retorted in a whiny voice, "Hey I said a nice word too!"

If we give one kid something the other doesn't get (even a compliment), we never hear the end of it.

Dear Amy

Dear Amy,
I demand no apointment.
I demand no summer school and no day camp.
I want to ask you:
Have you ever wondered when something is fun be comes a lot less fun
when you do it?
It happened to me.
I desreve to stay home than(then) go to the beach this summer.
Your bored friend,
JOEL ETHINGTON


Joel sent me the above email a week or so ago. He had heard what I had planned for him for the summer and he was not into it. He told me, "It feels too much like school." He even got really freaked out about going to Soaring Over Seven camp (which he loves) in July. While last February he kept asking me, "Mom, have you signed me up for Soaring Over Seven yet?"

The fact is I have to try to keep Joel pretty busy during the summer. If I don't he just melds into the computer 24/7. And once computer meld has set in getting Joel to do anything else becomes next to impossible. There is much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, and if he starts school in said state, wo unto the teacher who has to work with him.

However luckily everything has gone pretty well so far. We started speech therapy again recently because we have some FSA money that we need to use ASAP. On the first appointment the SLP tested Joel's vocabulary. He didn't slip up until the 17/18 year old section. What the what? The speech therapist was surprised and so was I. I had no idea the depth of his vocabulary. It's very difficult to have any kind of conversation with Joel, so I don't really know what all's up in his head. The SLP asked me where his vocab came from. ??????????????????? Don't ask me, I have no clue. When I told Joel he had tested into the 17 to 18 year old range, he got that twinkle in his eye that means, "Damn, I'm good." He damn sure is.

Eli was looking out the window watching the lightening bugs the other night when he turns to me and says, "Mommy the world's turned into glitter." He can be so sweet at times . . . (sigh) . . .

Cara's our little princess and she knows it. She went to a birthday party last Saturday and insisted on bringing all the stuff from her goody bag to church on Sunday. She entered the chapel in full regalia: two crowns, two necklaces as well as multiple bracelets and rings. She wanted to show off all da bling she got.

A Different Era

Eli asked me the other day, "Mommy,do all humans have a memory card inside of them? Is that how we remember things?" He's a child of the 21st century. Certainly not something I ever asked my mother.

I told Cara that her buncus (bottom) was roundy cutie and that mine was droopy blubby, but that I wished it was roundy cutie like hers. Her response, "Mommy you're tummy is droopy blubby too." Kids are such great ego boosters.

We went camping in Shenandoah last weekend. It was beautiful weather and it was nice to get out of the DC metro mess for a bit. Joel had a good time the day we got there. Kelly had bought those large plastic drinking cups, usually red but ours were blue, and Joel had a great time playing stacking games with them. Probably inspired by games he had seen on "Minute to Win it." He also had a good time trying to throw a bottlecap he found into a hole on one of the trees at our campsite. Later we realized a mama bird had baby or babies in that hole and felt bad that we were trying to throw jagged metal things into it.

That night we went to the campfire program. I remember campfire programs from my youth being fun. This particular one was about how we define wilderness, very cerebral and philosophical. In short, not fun. Joel was dying. I can understand that the National Park Service wants to educate us and that campfire programs can be a good vehicle for learning BUT that doesn't mean you can't sing some silly songs and try to appeal to all ages as well.

Joel was a little freaked out about the signs in the park to keep food under lock and key in order not to attract bears. We'd get some food out to make a meal and the next thing ya know Joel would have locked it back in the car. His anxiety level was definitely up.

We decided to try a morning campfire program the next day because it was about birds of prey and the ranger was going to show us some actual live specimens.

But by then Joel had had it with camping. He doesn't know what to do without the tv or the computer and coupled with his anxiety about the bears he was DONE. He asked me at the birds of prey program if we were leaving after it was over, when I told him no we were staying another night, he freaked out. He let me know in no uncertain terms that he wanted to be HOME.

I could sense his little brain grasping at straws to come up with a logical reason to hightail it outta there. Finally he found it and screamed, "Mom tomorrow is church day and I WANT TO KEEP THE SABBATH DAY HOLY!" He yelled this out repeatedly amid tears that he needed to keep the sabbath day holy and that if we stayed in Shenandoah we wouldn't be. Everybody was starring at us surely thinking we were religious nutcases. I couldn't help laughing. We made it through most of the Birds of Prey show though the lady talked FOREVER before we were actually allowed to see one of the birds. We then went to the lodge and the visitor center. After we got back to the campsite Joel locked himself in the car and kept telling us he wanted to go home that he couldn't take it anymore. Joel was so upset and anxious that after making dinner and roasting marshmallows again for s'mores, we packed up and left.

Eli and Cara loved their camping experience (and Joel had some fun too-all the kids loved playing in the tent after it was set up) and when we go again I'll be sure to bring lots of games and activities because my Joel needs more structure.

Back to the Drawing Board my Sweet Boy

Cara was building a lego/bath toy tower when it suddenly toppled down. "Oh well, back to the drawing board," she sighed. I love listening to my kids developing language. When Cara talks I can hear phrases she got from Eli, Kelly, me and Joel. "A litle help here," is her favorite way to ask for assistance. She got that from Joel, but where he picked it up I don't know.

"Mommy, how can I save the world if I don't have a cape?" Also from Cara. If only it were that simple.

We went to Joel's hip hop recital today. He did really well especially considering he's totally uncoordinated and he's never had a dance class before, but he held his own. He was really nervous about it.

Last week when I told him it was time to go to class he started crying. Not unusual as transitions are difficult for Joel and if his mind is in the middle of something he has a really hard time accepting the change in routine. Usually he calms down in less than a minute or two and psyches himself up for the next activity by bucking up and resolutely saying, "I'll do it!"

But last week he kept crying and crying. I kept encouraging him to tell me what was wrong, but he couldn't. So I asked questions, "Are the kids mean?" "Is the teacher mean?". He shook his head no, but was still too upset to be able to verbalize and vocalize his feelings. Finally I asked if he could write his feelings down for me. I thought he would say no because he hates writing, but instead he proceeded to write me a note. That he readily accepted the writing "assignment" told me that he was feeling something deeply that he really wanted me to understand.

"Even though you try to make a healthy body for me and the kids understand, I still wanna take a break from hip hop. I'm not enjoying it. It's TOO much for me."

I felt really bad after reading it. I know I need to push Joel (or he'd never get off the couch), but was I pushing him too hard? I felt especially bad that he'd said he wasn't enjoying it. I told him we could definitely skip hop hop that day, and he let out a big sigh of relief and said through tears, "Thanks for understanding me mom." Ooooh, little pang to the heart, what a precious boy. I did ask him after he'd calmed down if he thought he could go next week (today) for the final performance, and he gulped and said yes.

So we went today. Joel was teary again, but he'd resolved to do it, so he was gonna. After all was said and done and I could tell Joel was proud of himself, I realized he wasn't enjoying the class because he was so stressed that he wasn't doing the dance perfectly. I know Joel has anxiety, but I don't always realize how much stress he feels in certain circumstances. I bolded and capitalized the word "too" from Joel's note because that's how he wrote it. While writing it he was gritting his teeth and bearing down on the pen as hard as he could.

While I do feel back that so felt so much stress. I'm glad he finished it out and came through feeling that it wasn't so bad afterall and that he'd licked it!

Tipsy Joel?

We actually had Family Home Evening last Monday and had a lesson about the Word of Wisdom. Of course we discussed the things that are appropriate and healthy for our bodies and the things that are not. We told the kids that one of the reasons we don't drink alcohol is because it effects the clarity of our minds. Eli chose Love One Another as our closing song and Joel chose to sing his own Joel gibberish version of it which gave him the giggles. When we finished the song I said, "Hmmm, someone was singing a very interesting version of Love One Another" to which Eli replied, "I think Joel's been drinking the wine."

Cracked Kelly and me up! And of course Eli wasn't even trying to be funny which makes it even funnier.

Pigtails, Music and Hip Hop

I put Cara's hair in braids today and told her how cute she looked with her pigtails. "I don't have a pig tail Mommy" she said wiggling her little derriere in front of me. "Pigs live on farms."

Randomly today Eli tells me "I'm always on top of it in music Mom, I always get a 5." I love how he just assumes that I know all the rules and protocol in music class.

Joel's currently enrolled in a hip hop dance class. I can't wait til they have their recital so I can watch him bust a move.

Out of the Mouths of my Babes

Cara: Mommy! My golden hair is turning brown!

Eli: Mommy are there still pirates or are they extinct?

Baddest! Goodest!

"You're the baddest mommy in the world!" Eli shouted at me the other day when I made him share his snack with Cara. The kids and I were all in the car headed home from basketball and Cara shouted back at Eli "Mommy's nice!"

Eli: "No! She's the baddest mommy in the world."

Joel who never likes to see anyone disparage me shouted back, "She's the goodest mommy in the world!"

Eli: "Baddest!"

Joel & Cara: "Goodest!"

"Baddest!"

"Goodest!"

"Baddest!"

"Goodest!"

This exchange continued for about five minutes . . . I'm glad two of my three children think I'm the goodest :o)

Twice as Hot

Joel's primary teacher gave him a box of those "message hearts" the Sunday before Valentine's Day. He opened the box and said the first one was for me, it's message read "TOO HOT". 10 or so minutes later I'm lying on my bed doing my "after 2 hours of Sunbeams" cool down when Eli bursts in with another candy heart and says, "Mom, Joel says this one's for you." It also read "TOO HOT." After I'd finally caught my "free-from-three-year-olds" breath I ventured out into the hallway where Joel accosts me shouting, "Mom! You're twice as hot cuz you got TOO HOT twice!"

Yeah!

Kelly told me that Eli made a basket in the big boy basket at b ball on Saturday.

ME: So you made a basket in the big basket?

ELI: Yeah, did you hear about it? (I love how he assumes that the news of his basket has gotten around :o)

Pushing off one handed from the shoulder like Daddy taught him, Eli was disappointed that he didn't hit the basket initially. Daddy told him to jump while doing the same thing and . . . voila, SWISH! "Now I know the secret Mommy, you hafta jump." Oh, if only I'd known that back in the day I might have been able to make more baskets myself.

Of late . . .

Tuesday at play group Cara picked up a toy piano, turned to one of the moms and said, "Each note makes a different sound. Listen." I don't think I heard any differentiation in notes until I was much older. My mom said I was completely tone deaf until I was 12. I took piano lessons one year in high school, the teacher would play some notes and ask me if they were in a major or minor key. I got it right about 50% of the time. :) I'm pretty sure my kids could all hear that distinction already. All of my children have more natural musical talent than I do. Yea! Of course I want my kids to surpass me in everything and it feels good when they do in any area :o)

Woke up feeling yucky this morning and have gotten almost nothing accomplished. Kelly generously passed on his sinus cold thing to me. Thanks honey! I'm sure I'll return the favor fairly soon. Poor Kelly, he took the kids sledding a week or so ago and he and Cara flipped going down one of the hills. Kelly's coat and body cushioned most of Cara's impact, but Kelly got whiplash and a sore back for his good daddy deeds. He went to the doctor yesterday where he was prescribed muscle relaxants. He tried to take one during his work day, but it completely wiped him out, so he's only using them at night. So far his pain really hasn't abated any, I'm hoping he starts to feel better real soon!

I taught Grace Arts in Joel's class yesterday. Joel really lights up when I'm there which makes it all worth while and then some. We learned about the British sculptor Henry Moore and the kids were really into it. They all wanted to share their ideas about what his abstract sculptures represented. Joel sat up front on his teacher's stool while I was teaching, grinning from ear to ear the whole time.

I help out weekly for art in Eli's kindergarten class. This week I was really struck again by how young Eli seems compared to most of his classmates. Of course he is probably the youngest one in his class. But even accounting for his young age his maturity level seems disproportionately low. When I told Miss Sue (his preschool teacher) that I was debating on whether or not to send him to kindergarten she told me that I could always have him repeat kindergarten if I felt it necessary. Well . . . . I was talking to another mom at Cara's dance class and she told me the school might give me flack about having him repeat if he meets the imposed benchmarks. I really feel like he does need to have another year of kindergarten and I will be so mad if the school gives me any crap about it because several school employees told me I could have him repeat if necessary, leading me to think that the choice was mine alone to make.

It's been so cold! I remember last summer thinking that winter chill is easier to deal with than summer heat because you can always put another layer on. Well, not so much. I layer myself up every day and still feel chilled to the bone and I keep my house at 72! Needless to say I ABSOLUTELY CANNOT WAIT FOR WARMER WEATHER.

My parents close on the selling of their house tomorrow. They'll finish up the semester in Albany and then they're headed to Cedar City. I hope they like it there. Belinda makes it sound like the Mecca for the closed minded, stupid and meth heads of the world. Maybe the chamber of commerce can adopt some o' that for a town slogan. "Cedar City the Meth Mecca of the West." It would attract a certain tourist niche.

We'll miss going out to Grandpa and Grandma's house in Luray. The kids always knew we were almost there when they could see the yellow tube slide. "I see the slide, we're at Grandma and Grandpa's house!" was the frequent and familiar refrain in the car.

I'll miss having my parents fairly nearby too. Family is so important and it seems crazy to live clear across the whole darn country from them. Kelly works from home now, so we could technically live anywhere, but moving to Utah doesn't feel right. My main concern is that poor Utah schools wouldn't have the funding to provide the help Joel needs in his education. Also I really do not want to live in a super Moromony environment. I like the diversity we get here. Who knows what the future holds for us?