Dear Amy

Dear Amy,
I demand no apointment.
I demand no summer school and no day camp.
I want to ask you:
Have you ever wondered when something is fun be comes a lot less fun
when you do it?
It happened to me.
I desreve to stay home than(then) go to the beach this summer.
Your bored friend,
JOEL ETHINGTON


Joel sent me the above email a week or so ago. He had heard what I had planned for him for the summer and he was not into it. He told me, "It feels too much like school." He even got really freaked out about going to Soaring Over Seven camp (which he loves) in July. While last February he kept asking me, "Mom, have you signed me up for Soaring Over Seven yet?"

The fact is I have to try to keep Joel pretty busy during the summer. If I don't he just melds into the computer 24/7. And once computer meld has set in getting Joel to do anything else becomes next to impossible. There is much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, and if he starts school in said state, wo unto the teacher who has to work with him.

However luckily everything has gone pretty well so far. We started speech therapy again recently because we have some FSA money that we need to use ASAP. On the first appointment the SLP tested Joel's vocabulary. He didn't slip up until the 17/18 year old section. What the what? The speech therapist was surprised and so was I. I had no idea the depth of his vocabulary. It's very difficult to have any kind of conversation with Joel, so I don't really know what all's up in his head. The SLP asked me where his vocab came from. ??????????????????? Don't ask me, I have no clue. When I told Joel he had tested into the 17 to 18 year old range, he got that twinkle in his eye that means, "Damn, I'm good." He damn sure is.

Eli was looking out the window watching the lightening bugs the other night when he turns to me and says, "Mommy the world's turned into glitter." He can be so sweet at times . . . (sigh) . . .

Cara's our little princess and she knows it. She went to a birthday party last Saturday and insisted on bringing all the stuff from her goody bag to church on Sunday. She entered the chapel in full regalia: two crowns, two necklaces as well as multiple bracelets and rings. She wanted to show off all da bling she got.

A Different Era

Eli asked me the other day, "Mommy,do all humans have a memory card inside of them? Is that how we remember things?" He's a child of the 21st century. Certainly not something I ever asked my mother.

I told Cara that her buncus (bottom) was roundy cutie and that mine was droopy blubby, but that I wished it was roundy cutie like hers. Her response, "Mommy you're tummy is droopy blubby too." Kids are such great ego boosters.

We went camping in Shenandoah last weekend. It was beautiful weather and it was nice to get out of the DC metro mess for a bit. Joel had a good time the day we got there. Kelly had bought those large plastic drinking cups, usually red but ours were blue, and Joel had a great time playing stacking games with them. Probably inspired by games he had seen on "Minute to Win it." He also had a good time trying to throw a bottlecap he found into a hole on one of the trees at our campsite. Later we realized a mama bird had baby or babies in that hole and felt bad that we were trying to throw jagged metal things into it.

That night we went to the campfire program. I remember campfire programs from my youth being fun. This particular one was about how we define wilderness, very cerebral and philosophical. In short, not fun. Joel was dying. I can understand that the National Park Service wants to educate us and that campfire programs can be a good vehicle for learning BUT that doesn't mean you can't sing some silly songs and try to appeal to all ages as well.

Joel was a little freaked out about the signs in the park to keep food under lock and key in order not to attract bears. We'd get some food out to make a meal and the next thing ya know Joel would have locked it back in the car. His anxiety level was definitely up.

We decided to try a morning campfire program the next day because it was about birds of prey and the ranger was going to show us some actual live specimens.

But by then Joel had had it with camping. He doesn't know what to do without the tv or the computer and coupled with his anxiety about the bears he was DONE. He asked me at the birds of prey program if we were leaving after it was over, when I told him no we were staying another night, he freaked out. He let me know in no uncertain terms that he wanted to be HOME.

I could sense his little brain grasping at straws to come up with a logical reason to hightail it outta there. Finally he found it and screamed, "Mom tomorrow is church day and I WANT TO KEEP THE SABBATH DAY HOLY!" He yelled this out repeatedly amid tears that he needed to keep the sabbath day holy and that if we stayed in Shenandoah we wouldn't be. Everybody was starring at us surely thinking we were religious nutcases. I couldn't help laughing. We made it through most of the Birds of Prey show though the lady talked FOREVER before we were actually allowed to see one of the birds. We then went to the lodge and the visitor center. After we got back to the campsite Joel locked himself in the car and kept telling us he wanted to go home that he couldn't take it anymore. Joel was so upset and anxious that after making dinner and roasting marshmallows again for s'mores, we packed up and left.

Eli and Cara loved their camping experience (and Joel had some fun too-all the kids loved playing in the tent after it was set up) and when we go again I'll be sure to bring lots of games and activities because my Joel needs more structure.

Back to the Drawing Board my Sweet Boy

Cara was building a lego/bath toy tower when it suddenly toppled down. "Oh well, back to the drawing board," she sighed. I love listening to my kids developing language. When Cara talks I can hear phrases she got from Eli, Kelly, me and Joel. "A litle help here," is her favorite way to ask for assistance. She got that from Joel, but where he picked it up I don't know.

"Mommy, how can I save the world if I don't have a cape?" Also from Cara. If only it were that simple.

We went to Joel's hip hop recital today. He did really well especially considering he's totally uncoordinated and he's never had a dance class before, but he held his own. He was really nervous about it.

Last week when I told him it was time to go to class he started crying. Not unusual as transitions are difficult for Joel and if his mind is in the middle of something he has a really hard time accepting the change in routine. Usually he calms down in less than a minute or two and psyches himself up for the next activity by bucking up and resolutely saying, "I'll do it!"

But last week he kept crying and crying. I kept encouraging him to tell me what was wrong, but he couldn't. So I asked questions, "Are the kids mean?" "Is the teacher mean?". He shook his head no, but was still too upset to be able to verbalize and vocalize his feelings. Finally I asked if he could write his feelings down for me. I thought he would say no because he hates writing, but instead he proceeded to write me a note. That he readily accepted the writing "assignment" told me that he was feeling something deeply that he really wanted me to understand.

"Even though you try to make a healthy body for me and the kids understand, I still wanna take a break from hip hop. I'm not enjoying it. It's TOO much for me."

I felt really bad after reading it. I know I need to push Joel (or he'd never get off the couch), but was I pushing him too hard? I felt especially bad that he'd said he wasn't enjoying it. I told him we could definitely skip hop hop that day, and he let out a big sigh of relief and said through tears, "Thanks for understanding me mom." Ooooh, little pang to the heart, what a precious boy. I did ask him after he'd calmed down if he thought he could go next week (today) for the final performance, and he gulped and said yes.

So we went today. Joel was teary again, but he'd resolved to do it, so he was gonna. After all was said and done and I could tell Joel was proud of himself, I realized he wasn't enjoying the class because he was so stressed that he wasn't doing the dance perfectly. I know Joel has anxiety, but I don't always realize how much stress he feels in certain circumstances. I bolded and capitalized the word "too" from Joel's note because that's how he wrote it. While writing it he was gritting his teeth and bearing down on the pen as hard as he could.

While I do feel back that so felt so much stress. I'm glad he finished it out and came through feeling that it wasn't so bad afterall and that he'd licked it!

Tipsy Joel?

We actually had Family Home Evening last Monday and had a lesson about the Word of Wisdom. Of course we discussed the things that are appropriate and healthy for our bodies and the things that are not. We told the kids that one of the reasons we don't drink alcohol is because it effects the clarity of our minds. Eli chose Love One Another as our closing song and Joel chose to sing his own Joel gibberish version of it which gave him the giggles. When we finished the song I said, "Hmmm, someone was singing a very interesting version of Love One Another" to which Eli replied, "I think Joel's been drinking the wine."

Cracked Kelly and me up! And of course Eli wasn't even trying to be funny which makes it even funnier.

Pigtails, Music and Hip Hop

I put Cara's hair in braids today and told her how cute she looked with her pigtails. "I don't have a pig tail Mommy" she said wiggling her little derriere in front of me. "Pigs live on farms."

Randomly today Eli tells me "I'm always on top of it in music Mom, I always get a 5." I love how he just assumes that I know all the rules and protocol in music class.

Joel's currently enrolled in a hip hop dance class. I can't wait til they have their recital so I can watch him bust a move.

Out of the Mouths of my Babes

Cara: Mommy! My golden hair is turning brown!

Eli: Mommy are there still pirates or are they extinct?

Baddest! Goodest!

"You're the baddest mommy in the world!" Eli shouted at me the other day when I made him share his snack with Cara. The kids and I were all in the car headed home from basketball and Cara shouted back at Eli "Mommy's nice!"

Eli: "No! She's the baddest mommy in the world."

Joel who never likes to see anyone disparage me shouted back, "She's the goodest mommy in the world!"

Eli: "Baddest!"

Joel & Cara: "Goodest!"

"Baddest!"

"Goodest!"

"Baddest!"

"Goodest!"

This exchange continued for about five minutes . . . I'm glad two of my three children think I'm the goodest :o)